Lost thoughts: sorry for saying sorry

I apologised to certain people for my behaviour when food, exercise and intrusive thoughts controlled my life. I felt bad for holding them back, stopping them enjoying life, and not being an all round joyful presence to be around at that time.

Should I really have to apologise if we’re friends? Probably not is the answer. I shouldn’t be holding anyone back, if you’re friends in the sense I think we both thought we were you should be there through thick and thin. You shouldn’t have to justify you being upset or drained or unhappy. They haven’t caused the unhappiness, and if they have it should be them apologising, not you.

I am sensitive I know that. I think and overthink a lot. And some people don’t think full stop. Them hurting my feelings may be a case of them not thinking of the bigger picture, or realising what they have done. Because often no one has done anything, they just don’t have the foresight to see the impact of their actions. Should I stop thinking about what people think of me listening to or not listening to their advice and words? Maybe, maybe not.

I am an adult and I can make my own decisions, perhaps my own mistakes. Let life run its course.