The words ‘if that’s okay’

I bolt ‘if it’s okay’ onto an awful lot of sentences. I’m going to sit this one out, if that’s okay; I’m going home, if that’s okay; I don’t want a drink, if that’s okay; I’m going on a run, if that’s okay. It’s not a deliberate turn of phrase, I believe it’s my way of politely trying to remove myself from situations. I say if it’s okay, to create the perception of a choice for the other party, even though I’ve made up my mind. I feel guilty for doing what I perceive they don’t want or don’t like. I feel bad I’m backing away, so I ask for permission.

On reflection I don’t need permission. I need to remove the ‘if that’s okay’ because it is really doing me a disservice. I need to have faith in my own choices and not wait for others approval. I know what I’m doing is what I want and what I need, and that’s great. So honour if and don’t take away the emphasis of my decision by bolting on words. I should never feel guilty for setting my boundaries, you can still word it politely, just not so direct that it hurts. It’s okay to choose your own choices.

Adding those three words takes away the power, and hides what you actually want. You are strong enough to recognise that that can be okay for you without seeking the permission of others. It’s a sign of people pleasing. Hell no.